One Bhai a day keeps law enforcement away!

-Chinese Saying

Author’s Note: This article is intended for entertainment purposes. if anyone is offended by the words in this article, *cough* bhai fans *cough*, please do not kill me. I want to live a while longer. For people reading from elsewhere, Bhai means “big brother” in Hindi, and is used as a nickname for Salman Khan, a famous box of controversies we call an actor. 

Salman Khan, India’s Captain America. A guy who needs to be addressed, because once you go bhai, you never go back.

Life of Salman Khan is a colourful one, but before I go into the details of that, I will first introduce some maths:

Salman was born in the year 1965, 1+9+6+5 = 21 (2+1) = 3. Illuminati confirmed.


So Salman Khan has a wide array of movies and a posse of mentally conflicted fans. He isn’t a bad actor, see. He is a good actor, but he’s a terrible person. A person so terrible that the fact that he has gone Scott free without any repercussions for so long is baffling, at best.

He has had his issues, a lot of them actually. It could be listed down in its chronological order,

  1. 2002 – He harassed Aishwarya Rai Bachchan, publically verbally, allegedly physically.
  2. 2002 – He ran over people on the sidewalks.               22.jpg
  3. 2006 – Murdered black bucks for funUntitled.png
  4. 2008-2013 – Made a lot of public statements about terrorism that were full of utter and flowery bullshit.
  5. Then finally to the latest of his feats – 2016 – in an interview he said “After a workout session with Sultan, I feel like a raped woman”

Bravo, sir. Bravo. If there was an award for the world’s best douchebag, this guy has won it and then some. He’s so awesome with his politically incorrect everything he does is. Vijay Mallya has got nothing on this guy. What surprises me is how proficient he is at getting away with the shit he pulls. He has consistently gotten away. Wonder why that is? Maybe because of:

This was all over the news, the news was intellectually depressing, so I chose this joke instead.

or maybe because of delusions such as

Why I know this isn’t sarcasm? His handle is akkithedude. That kinda douche has got to be a bhai fan.

So bhai fans did all that. So what? Does the fact that he has a lot of fans give him the “holier than thou” pedestal that he seems to have hoisted himself up onto? Does it give him the right to say anything he wants and get away with it?

And again, Tanmay Bhatt does a small joke on snapchat and the nation breaks apart trying to defend Sachin and Lata Mangeshkar. But I recently read a status of a certain someone who had shown disdain towards Tanmay and called him a pervert and an anti-national, but now, said  “Bhai is trying to say he understands the pain of women”. To such people, I say

And please,  please, please, bear in mind I am not counting in, the murder of human intellect he does every year called Bigg Boss

Well anyway, he got away with everything. His fans are delusional, he has no regrets. He says something, then he quickly claims he is sorry. He is sorry? Sorry? He has a ngo called Being Human. And his fans also assume having an ngo makes him a kindred soul of some sort. To them I again say, please see the big picture.

Here’s a guy who consistently has done wrongdoings against society, has gotten away every single time, yet quickly repeats it and does it all over again. I mean keeping aside my feelings, keeping aside the feelings of others, but always remember, in some corner of Yerwada Sanjay Dutt was shaking on his bed repeating “Ye cheating hai bhai, ye cheating hai”.

So anyway, grow out of the farce, see the man for what he is, he is a repetitive criminal who hasn’t been given the hammer yet and deserves to, no matter what the “questionable evidence” that he has bought off says. See the way things are and please , be sensible!

P.S. For the coming few years, I will be attaching GoPro video devices on my bike, so if I die by vehicular accident, please retrieve my bike for the vide0 feed, atleast that way he’d be convicted.

I would conclude with something I read once that is apropos for this:

You can’t escape moral judgment by a legal loophole

Michael Josephson

Wittingly yours,

S Narayanswamy